GAH!

That seems to be the word of the day most days the past few weeks. I've avoided writing, or really put it off, because I've had so much to say and wanted to have the time to write. But as it always happens, I'm either not in the mood, don't have time, am tired, or something comes up. Today seemed like a good day. It's raining, I have some time at home with the little one and I'm feeling energized. Could be that me and that kid slept thru my alarm for this morning's nap so we got 2.5 hours rest. Feels like old times :)

Not sure how much I'm going to write, but there have been a few things on my mind. Mostly, I'm still feeling regrets about Halloween 2010. The weekend itself was fairly busy. I had a nice pasta dinner Friday night at "Bab's" house as I was running my first 5K on Saturday. The run happened in the morning, then went to brunch and just had some downtime at home on Saturday. We were planning on going to something Halloween-y that night, but I was so exhausted from all the training and the actual run that we put it off. Sunday, Halloween, came.. and went. My DH went to the Vikings/Patriots game and was gone all day. I had already said that we weren't going to dress Jackie up that day and trick or treat as she's still too small and I didn't want to end up eating all the candy. In the end, Jackie and I spent time with our wonderful friends (who just happen to be neighbors) and handed out candy to the kids. That night, I had remorse and was really bummed out, mostly because I realized we didn't do much for my favorite holiday or showed Jackie some cool stuff.

Halloween 2009 was great. I was in a few groups with Jackie so I had three outfits for her over that week. It was a blast and I thought that was the start of some fun Halloweens with her over the years. Why this year turned out the way it did, I'm really not sure. I know there were several times I chose not to do things (carve a pumpkin, paint pumpkins, go see the lit pumpkin exhibit in RI, watch the movie "Halloween," etc.), but I didn't think about the repercussions on me emotionally. In all honesty, I had been focused on my race on the 30th and seeing that there was a costume contest scheduled on that day, I thought that would do it. Little did I  know, we weren't able to find out much about it, even when we got to the Y (where the race was held) and so nothing really happened there (other than dressing her up and taking some pictures).

With all that being said, I did reflect and realized something. Now that I'm getting older, but mostly now that I have a kid, most things only happen once. Although I can look ahead and assume there would be another Halloween, why wouldn't I just take what is in front of me now and enjoy it?

I've also been thinking a lot about my age and not putting things off. It's actually good as it's forced us (my family) to do things we may put off "for a better day." I also realized that my husband and I had a habit of putting fun things off a lot even before Jackie was born. We've dated for 10 years (married 7) and we never did the type traveling I wanted to do, didn't go skiing outside of the East Coast like I wanted to do, and a number of other things. As with most couples, we were focused on the next day, month or year.. we were trying to have a baby for about 4 of those years, but it still would have been great if we took on those things so there were no regrets.

Although we can do those things now, obviously it's a bit more complicated and expensive. The best I can do currently is learn from all this and move on. The biggest thing, though, is to be responsible with my sleep, as I know when I get enough I can plow thru anything and actually enjoy it :)

I guess it's time to accept what's so, move on from Halloween 2010 and enjoy the days ahead. For example, we have Thanksgiving plans at one of my best buds house and that should be a lot of fun. We've spent a number of Thanksgiving's with just us so this will be a nice change.

Moving on also means finding (or re-finding) things that I enjoy. It's been put off for way too long. I tend to get reminded of a "talk" from a very powerful leader when I have issues with relationships and regrets. He said to us: "How many of you have relationship issues?" For those in the room it was about 75% of us. He just smiled and said: "Then you don't have big enough problems."

I think it's time to create some big "problems" and find the joy in those for a while. The rest of 2010 and 2011 will be about finding joy and fulfillment in the things that I miss dearly: playing music, dancing, laughing and sun! :) And who knows, there may be some politics thrown in there too :)

Here's to no regrets!!