Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Onto the next..

Today ended up being somewhat of a blessing time-wise. I had a bit of time before I headed out to IVF, yet again for another procedure, so I thought I would write.

I am headed to get a Sonohistogram. This is more for insurance purposes, but it's understandable why they need to do this. We met with the doc last week and luckily it wasn't me that caused the folicles to shrink, but it's just what happens sometimes with Clomid. He said it was like a "one size fits all drug" and it either works or doesn't.

He suggested that we move onto IUI, which is more of an invasive procedure. The insurance wants to make sure that I'm healthy "inside," and I guess I do too. If there are issues, it will answer a lot of other questions, but I don't foresee this being an issue.

It's a quick procedure, but not comfortable.. bottom line is they have to take pictures of my uterus to make sure things are OK. That may have been too much info, but hey, that's what's happening. LOL

Oddly, I am not feeling nervous. It could be that I have all the info I need on how this procedure will be done and I also went thru a similar test to check if my "tubes" were blocked or not. That was X-rays and this is ultrasound so I'm not going to the hospital for this one.

As I said above, today ended up being a blessing time-wise. I was going to be leaving work at 1p (which is earlier than scheduled) and I was concerned as I was busy this morning checking in students and thought it would be worse after lunch.

My main supervisor is at a conference so my other colleague was my partner. Another colleague of mine and myself told her that we had been taking a 30 min lunch. She had things to do, it wasn't too busy, so she wanted to take the full hour. For me, that meant that I could leave more than a half hour early. This also meant, that I didn't have to rush, could make sure I could rest a bit before I left for IVF, which also leads to a better experience in the procedure.

To top it off, it was supposed to start raining at 10a and continue thru the afternoon. When I came out of the office, it seems like it's 85 and very humid. Not very common here in Boston, but I'll take it. Rain, most of the time, makes me sad and a bit down. All I can say is that it looks like someone was looking over me today.. giving me the extra time AND sun to walk home in was a huge relief for my soul.

I always say that things happen for a reason. Getting myself centered and in partnership with this procedure really has made my life easier. It's nothing to resist--either I accept it or not and move on. This is nothing painful, I got thru the other one, and I'm strong.

I'll close here, but I am finding this entire process extremely interesting. Much of my life is transforming and part of the time I'm in it and part of the time I'm watching myself. But thru it all, I am VERY aware of myself and how I'm perceiving things. Between therapy, the seminars I'm assisting around, and reading "A New Earth"--they all have been powerful tools I can use in any situation.

Aside from that, I just want to note here how excited I am about David Cook winning Idol! I haven't been this into Idol.. or I have been and my contestant usually gets booted off earlier. But it was SO great to have a rocker win this one! Here he is!

Monday, May 19, 2008

This cycle...

I have been avoiding writing, but I know that writing does help me. Why it helps more to make it public, I have no idea, but I'm writing anyways.

I have a small headache. Due to suffering from migraines in my early 20s, I know that this one is a stress headache. I have wanted to cry for a couple days now, and I won't allow myself to. It's lame, it's ego, but I can't do it. I'm sure I will soon, but there's always a reason that I can't now.

On Saturday I found out that we had to abandon the fertility drug cycle. I had my third ultrasound on Saturday thinking that it would be similar to last month (the follicle started out small, but grew to the appropriate size for the shot and we continued), but we had to stop for now. I meet with the doc in a few days to find out if this is "normal" or something that happens from time to time. I did do a few things differently than I did last month.. I had 0 drinks in April and no coffee (although I don't really drink coffee), and this month I had about 3 drinks total and a bit of caffeine. I'll let the doc know and see if that could have done anything.

I do have to say, it's taking everything I have to not say "I'm broken" or "something is wrong with me." It's one of the most frustrating things when you are basically healthy. Sure could literally lose 15 pounds and feel better, but overall, I have a clean bill of health. Why is this such an issue? I guess I should be glad that there really isn't anything else. At least I only need to focus on this.

It's hard to stay focused although I do have to say this month has been a lot better than last month. It seems mainly that I have a general idea of what to expect. I can at least say I'm getting "trained" in how to deal with the unexpected--which is something I don't have a lot of facility around.

Law school has been on my mind a bit as well. I recently threw away all my law school bulletins that I had collected over the months. No need to keep the paper around right now and I would start over again when needed. But due to this cycle being stopped this weekend, it just made me think of not getting accepted to law school.

I have a Paralegal certificate on the horizon, but it's not the same for obvious reasons. This is not to say I'd rather go to school than start a famiily, it's almost like I wish I could be two different people. Kinda weird.

It's been great getting back in touch with an old buddy of mine as he's in law school right now. He just completed his 2L finals and I'm so proud of him! For the moment, I guess I can live vicariously thru him until he completes.. hope that's OK, D! :D

That's it for now.. I'm heading out to go do some volunteering, but I will leave you with this video that my friend Chris sent me this morning. We both got a chuckle out of me saying: "man, can he work a shirt!!"

Unfortunately "embedding has been disabled by request" but here's the link. Enjoy a bit of the 80s.

"What Difference Does It Make" by the Smiths

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Stealing and the New Apple Store

I know I just wrote earlier today, but I had to ask this.. if you have anything on your car (say an antenna topper or magnet), do you get this stuff stolen? I never had this issue in Austin. For the longest time I'd always put Jack in the Box heads on my antenna or put a magnet on my car. I usually took them off due to them being on there so long they looked gross. Or, if it was gone, it was usually after a trip to or from Dallas, where I knew the wind may have blown if off cause I was doing 75 for three hours.

But just recently I put an awesome Boston Red Sox magnet on the back of my car. I NEVER put anything on my car. It was classy.. big, red Boston Sox "B." It looks like this:


I have no idea how or when this happened, but it's gone. Yes, it is a big assumption that I'm saying someone stole it, but come on. There is NO way this "blew off" my car.. it's a MAGNET (very much like the ribbon magnets you see.. flat, and made for cars). Needless to say, I was pissed. Someone actually saw it, went to my car to see if it was a sticker or not, and then proceeded to remove it and walk away without anyone seeing.

I hope they are happy with it.

In other news, this at least made me feel better. The new Apple store opened literally next door to where I used to work. They had the front covered for months.. in fact, when I got the email that it was opening tonight, I was surprised because the nasty green boards were still up just days ago. But now I know why it was hidden. I literally screamed "OH MY GOD," when I saw this pic below. I may be turning into a geek, or at least an Apple Geek, but this is BEAUTIFUL.

I'll be checking this out at lunch or after work tomorrow.. YESSSSS!!


Silent Raves?

I got really excited when I saw "Silent Rave in Boston" just now. As some of you may now know, I was a raver back in the early and mid-90s. They were some of the happiest times in my life. Whether that was at a "rave club" (RIP Proteus) or out in some field, we had a core group in Austin that would meet every week (or just about every week) to mingle, have fun and dance til dawn.

Thoughts of Austin, CA and Dallas:

I hadn't heard about "silent discos" or "silent raves" until a minute ago. Here's the info for the Boston one tomorrow.

I'm torn if this would work for me.. I think it would be interesting to watch, however. Cool thing is each person can have their own music as you use an iPod, but how weird is that for the people walking by!?! HAHA

If it's nice tomorrow I may check this out.. I'll be sure to tell you if I actually did this :)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Extended Birthdays

Ever since high school, people used to laugh at me and say I was a snob, cause I not only had my actual b-day, but my "birthday week." It still makes me laugh :)

One of the girls I work with in my office is a Taurus too and had her birthday on Friday. I asked her if she had a b-day week, and she said yes. It's the Tauri women.. we love our b-days, friends, and cake :)

My b-day is continuing to get extended to at least today. Last night I got a surprise from my friends that I assist/volunteer with at Landmark Education. Without me knowing, one of the girls ran around the center to people I knew to get signatures (not all of them were on our team), and then they sang to me at the end of the night when our assisting agreement was over. We even went over to IHOP afterwards (which is walking distance from the center) instead of them heading to Chow Chow's in Chinatown. I'm sorry--I don't eat shrimp heads and I refuse to go :)

Today, I got two cards. One from my buddy Sandi, which was very cute, and the other from my mother in-law. I just want to say right now that I have the best in-laws EVER. Although I can understand when people say their in-laws drive them nutz, but I actually enjoy spending time with them.. Joe has a lot of family in MN.. it's nice.

She said some of the most moving things.. she got done reading my April overview blog and wanted to relay her thoughts. I will keep those for me, but know that it was not only "motherly," but also heartfelt, authentic, and well, it just made sense.

Thank you, M, for always letting me be me and accepting me as I am. It means more than you know.

I am blessed.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Birthday Dinner

Yes, it was that good I had to post what I had.

The Capital Grille
Newbury Street
Boston, MA

Trimbach Pinot Gris 2004

*Pear and apple notes with a touch of honey and vanilla

Shrimp Cocktail
*5 FRESH shrimp served on a bed of huge ice cubes
*Make your own cocktail sauce! (small metal containers for sauce and horseradish)

Special Capital Grill Salad

*Boston lettuce with Julianned Red Delicious Apples, Candied Walnuts, dried cherries, Gorgonzola cheese with a Champagne Vinaigrette

Fillet Oscar
*Capped with crab meat, topped on 4 asparagus stalks

Side of Au Gratin Potatoes

Chocolate Hazelnut FOUR layer cake!

The food was some of the best I had.. but what got the snob in me?? Due to having a black dress on, they SWITCHED my napkin from white to black so I wouldn't get white lint on my dress!!! That was a first for me and I've gone to some great places!

What a treat.. a big thanks to Berkleemusic, as this was one of my bonuses when I worked there (the gift card), and for Joe for joining me on the meal of a lifetime!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Today's the day

I turned 38 today.. I couldn't wait.

37 was probably one of the hardest years in my life, but also the one where I grew the most.. hmmmm.. it was a learning experience, and one day, I will finally look forward to those fumbles so I can grow even more.. but for now, I'm enjoying the sunny day, the memories and love of my friends close to me and far away, and the fact that I get a re-do :)

I realized last night how blessed I am to have the life I have. I sometimes take it for granted, but it's time to step it up.. this is the year of total self-acceptance, being peaceful and compassionate.. especially to myself.

It's gonna be a good year.

My theme song:

Thursday, May 8, 2008

70s Scenario

This song is an obscure Hall and Oates song off their album War Babies. It's one of the albums I really don't like, however. As a rabid H&O fan, I have listened to most of their albums numerous times, but I think I literally only listened to "War Babies" twice. Seeing that I have a new found respect for Todd Rundgren, I may need to pull this out now that I'm older and wiser. He produced the album and a lot of the music is his coupled with Daryl's.

This song hits my heart in a particular way (and even did the first time I heard the album). Many of Daryl's songs do that for me, but these lyrics mean a lot to me right now. I don't know what he "meant" by 70s Scenario, but I did look up the definition of scenario to see if I could grasp some sort of context.

A scenario is a synthetic description of an event or series of actions and events.

So knowing that he was in NYC at the time with a million things going on around him when composing this song, it makes sense. The music itself is pulsating in a way, it hits some minor keys, leaves you lingering. A lot like NYC.

Todd also has Daryl's voice with more reverb on this song verses many of the other songs on the album. There's a picture that gets created, not only out of the music, but even in how Daryl sings, and last, in the production of it. I love it when a 3 minute song can create such a visual image.

You can interchange the year (that he's singing about) if you'd like.. it sill makes sense for me today. If you'd like to hear the song, feel free to come to my MySpace, as of today, it's up. OR, you can go to this page and click on the War Babies album to find the track.

In bed sittin' and reading by the T. V. light
Stay away from the window, thunder and lighting.
And the rain, the rain keeps fallin' down
That's something that hasn't changed.
Yeah, there's something inside me, it's quiet when it rains.

At the end of the rainbow, there ain't no pot of gold
And the light in the morning, hardly ever shows
Ain't no easy living, everybody knows
And it's all around us........
70's Scenario

She called me a prisoner, in a prison of the mass;
She said acceptance from the future, is freedom from the past.
And I laugh, and say "that's alright"
Things really ain't that tough.
As long as I'm still able, to turn the T.V. off.

At the end of the rainbow, there ain't no pot of gold
And the light in the morning, hardly ever shows
Ain't no reason living, everybody knows
And it's all around us........
70's Scenario

At the end of the rainbow, there ain't no pot of gold
And the light in the morning, hardly ever shows
Ain't no reason living, everybody knows
And it's all around us........
70's Scenario