This cycle...

I have been avoiding writing, but I know that writing does help me. Why it helps more to make it public, I have no idea, but I'm writing anyways.

I have a small headache. Due to suffering from migraines in my early 20s, I know that this one is a stress headache. I have wanted to cry for a couple days now, and I won't allow myself to. It's lame, it's ego, but I can't do it. I'm sure I will soon, but there's always a reason that I can't now.

On Saturday I found out that we had to abandon the fertility drug cycle. I had my third ultrasound on Saturday thinking that it would be similar to last month (the follicle started out small, but grew to the appropriate size for the shot and we continued), but we had to stop for now. I meet with the doc in a few days to find out if this is "normal" or something that happens from time to time. I did do a few things differently than I did last month.. I had 0 drinks in April and no coffee (although I don't really drink coffee), and this month I had about 3 drinks total and a bit of caffeine. I'll let the doc know and see if that could have done anything.

I do have to say, it's taking everything I have to not say "I'm broken" or "something is wrong with me." It's one of the most frustrating things when you are basically healthy. Sure could literally lose 15 pounds and feel better, but overall, I have a clean bill of health. Why is this such an issue? I guess I should be glad that there really isn't anything else. At least I only need to focus on this.

It's hard to stay focused although I do have to say this month has been a lot better than last month. It seems mainly that I have a general idea of what to expect. I can at least say I'm getting "trained" in how to deal with the unexpected--which is something I don't have a lot of facility around.


Law school has been on my mind a bit as well. I recently threw away all my law school bulletins that I had collected over the months. No need to keep the paper around right now and I would start over again when needed. But due to this cycle being stopped this weekend, it just made me think of not getting accepted to law school.

I have a Paralegal certificate on the horizon, but it's not the same for obvious reasons. This is not to say I'd rather go to school than start a famiily, it's almost like I wish I could be two different people. Kinda weird.

It's been great getting back in touch with an old buddy of mine as he's in law school right now. He just completed his 2L finals and I'm so proud of him! For the moment, I guess I can live vicariously thru him until he completes.. hope that's OK, D! :D


That's it for now.. I'm heading out to go do some volunteering, but I will leave you with this video that my friend Chris sent me this morning. We both got a chuckle out of me saying: "man, can he work a shirt!!"

Unfortunately "embedding has been disabled by request" but here's the link. Enjoy a bit of the 80s.

"What Difference Does It Make" by the Smiths